


Charming Mansluts: The Brunch Edition

by giselleslash



Series: Charming Mansluts [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-02
Updated: 2011-06-02
Packaged: 2017-10-20 00:38:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/206943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giselleslash/pseuds/giselleslash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin and Leon sit in Gwaine's super special chair and ponder the mystery that is Arthur and Gwaine. Freya also does a really frighteningly accurate imitation of Arthur's sex noises that makes Gwaine proud and Arthur cringe and makes Merlin think about bananas. And then they have brunch. (okay, let's face it, this thing doesn't really have a plot.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Charming Mansluts: The Brunch Edition

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of the fic, Charming Mansluts that I wrote for the gwaine_quest fest over at LJ - and yes, I'm sticking with that title, dammit. lol.

Gwaine shifted in his sleep. He could vaguely hear voices coming from the right side of his room. Arthur was in a dead sleep, draped over Gwaine's back and drooling, Gwaine could feel it, uh, the fucker. But the voices. Goddamn. All he wanted to do was sleep.

"...yeah, I know. Want a bite?"

A bite? The fuck?

Gwaine managed to turn his head and crack an eye open, once he did he wished he hadn't.

Merlin and Leon were both sitting in his chair, his very special comfy chair that was for his arse only and both of the sonofabitches knew it too - Arthur knew it and even obeyed the laws of The Chair and made a very dedicated effort to only sit in it when he was straddling Gwaine's lap, see, totally legit, Gwaine's arse was still in sole possession of The Chair and Arthur's arse was in Gwaine's hands where it always ought to be - so yeah, those bastards very well knew The Chair was fucking off limits. And yet.

Gwaine supposed if he was following Arthur's rules of Chair etiquette he should only be pissed at Leon since his fat arse was the one actually sitting in it, Merlin was sort of squashed in next to him and tipped to the side a bit - but Gwaine squinted with his one opened eye and dammit if maybe a half of Merlin's arse cheek wasn't sitting in The Chair. So there, that settled it, they were both in a world of hurt.

"Who knew Arthur was the cuddler?" Merlin said around a mouthful of apple. Gwaine watched in horror as Merlin's big cow mouth spit little apple bits all over the arm of The Chair as he chewed like a cow with cud. "I always thought Gwaine would be the cuddle slut. He's got _feelings_ and all."

Leon shrugged. "I don't think horny counts as a _feeling_ , Mer."

"Whatever. I figured Arthur would snore and Gwaine would cuddle but now they've fucked with my worldview." Merlin passed the apple to Leon who took a big, fat, juicy bite that splattered all over the other arm of The Chair before handing it back to Merlin. Jesus tap dancing Christ, were they fucking cows or people? And who taught them how to eat? Clearly they needed to be reconditioned.

"Gwaine snuffles more than snores," Leon said.

"Like a little baby kitten." That was Merlin, the assfuck.

"Kittens are babies, you're being redundant. Here," Leon grunted and Gwaine heard a shuffle of things falling over. "Poke him with his cricket bat. See if he starts again. I'll get it on my phone. Morgana'll coo."

"I love how you send your keeper videos when she's about twenty feet away from you in the kitchen." Merlin grunted too as he shifted and leaned forward with the bat.

"Well do you want me to holler for her and wake them up. Defeating the purpose, Merlin."

"True," Merlin agreed as he reached out even further with the bat.

"Poke me with the bat and it'll end up up your arse," Gwaine growled from his pillow.

"Ew. Gross." Merlin said as he dropped the bat with a clatter. "Is that what you and Arthur do with it?"

"Honest to fuck, Merlin," Arthur muttered against Gwaine's back. "You lack a basic understanding of the human asshole, don't you?"

"What? I've seen videos on the internet. People shove all kinds of shit up their bums. I'm not judging, I'm just saying."

"Someone needs to take the internet away from you," Arthur said as he dragged himself off of Gwaine, but not before Gwaine felt the light brush of Arthur's lips against his back.

"Oh, like you don't look too." Merlin argued as he pointed at the two of them. "I know you two do all kinds of fuckall when the rest of us aren't looking."

"And even when we are," Leon shuddered.

"Oi," Gwaine said as he rolled onto his back and sat up, his back against the headboard, and Arthur flung a lazy arm over his lap. "It's not our fault you decided you needed a piss when the shower was clearly ocupado."

"Leon has a little girl's bladder, we all know this," Merlin said as he patted a frowning Leon on the knee and passed him back the apple. "Don't blame."

"Delicate Leon," Arthur all but cooed and Gwaine laughed.

"I _am_ delicate. The noises you were making, oh god, the _noises_."

"Yeah," Gwaine smiled brightly. "Arthur makes the most brilliant noises."

"Yes, yes, Freya and I have them all well documented."

"Pervert," Arthur mumbled against Gwaine's hip.

"Uh. We share a wall. And you two are like two cats in heat, or something, I dunno, something that howls in a very inhuman way."

"I'm particularly fond of the one he makes when I bite just a little bit on the inside of his thigh," Gwaine said, totally ignoring Leon's horrified face.

"Now is that the sort of yelping one or the one that sounds like a dying seal?" Merlin asked.

"Dying seal," Gwaine nodded. "He makes that yelping one when I suck right here," he said as he pushed Arthur over a bit and poked at the hollow at the base of his throat. Arthur scowled at him and pushed his finger away.

"Fuck you all, I don't sound like a fucking dying seal."

"Yeah, you kinda do. Freya can imitate it perfectly." Merlin said, then shouted out, "Oi! Freya! Come in here."

"Merlin. Jesus," Arthur groaned.

"Oh brilliant," Gwaine said at the same time. "Let's hear it. Freya!"

Leon started playing with his mobile. "Don't let her start until I'm ready."

"Fuck you all a second time," Arthur yelled.

"Yeah?" Freya asked as she poked her head in the door. Gwaine loved the hell outta her, she was fearless and didn't give a fuck what she was walking into. And she willingly, and happily, dated Merlin which earned her a very cushy spot in heaven as far as Gwaine was concerned. That or a very padded room in a mental ward, either one.

"Come in here and do the dying seal. The Arthur one." Merlin waved her into the room.

"She does other dying seals?" Leon asked. "You needed to be specific?"

"Oh god, Arthur, put some clothes on." Morgana said as she followed Freya inside Gwaine's bedroom. "I don't need to see that first thing."

"I'm under the covers for christsake. Don't be a prude."

"Go, go, go," Leon ordered as he held up his phone. "I"m ready."

Freya made a big to-do about stretching and coughing and cracking her knuckles before she started in on a horrifyingly accurate imitation of Arthur's thigh bite noise.

"Wha'did I say?" Merlin smiled as everyone except Arthur gave her a rousing round of applause and she very daintily curtsied. "She's brilliant." When she was done she hopped over to Merlin to give him a kiss.

"Oh come on," Arthur complained. "You're all dead to me. Especially you, Frey. I can't believe you'd diss me like that."

"Arthur," Freya made a frowny face at him - she did an eerily good imitation of his pout face as well - and crawled over Gwaine to settle on the other side of Arthur. "Don't be mad. I love you most of all, scarecrow," she said as she rubbed his stomach.

"You're not even using the quote right, go away," Arthur tried to keep an annoyed pout on his face but failed as Freya made a face at him. He just sighed and rolled his eyes and pulled her closer to his side. Gwaine smiled to himself, Arthur was such a sucker. His soft spot for Freya was legendary, he'd walk on hot coals for her and they all knew it - and teased him mercilessly for it - he was so lame.

"We're going out to brunch," Morgana said as she sat down on the other side of Leon's lap, the one Merlin wasn't partially occupying.

"You're all gonna get a slap for sitting in my chair," Gwaine pointed at the lot of them.

"He doesn't even let me sit in it," Arthur said. "And he's had his face in my ass, so I don't know why you all think yours are so special."

"I'm petrified," Morgana said as she calmly swung her leg up and examined her shoe. "Positively."

"Jesus. Just flash him your boobies, Morgana, and we'll be able to sit here for all of eternity." Merlin said.

"Let's not talk about my sister's boobs and Gwaine's irrational attachment to a chair and talk about Leon and Merlin's big gay apple sharing love affair they've got going on. Aren't the two of you jealous?" Arthur asked Morgana and Freya. "Merlin's sitting on Leon's lap, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Who hasn't sat on Leon's lap?" Gwaine asked. "He's fucking Father Christmas over here."

"I'm not sitting on Leon's lap, I'm sharing a chair with him," Merlin said. "It just so happens that he has a fat arse that takes up the entire chair and my poor chair-less bum is left to fend for itself."

"Oooh, lover's tiff," Freya said.

"Pfft," Morgana rolled her eyes. "They'll make up in about thirty seconds and be back to holding hands and skipping."

"I'm actually quite appalled at all of you," Merlin said loftily as he hooked his arm through Leon's. "You're all casting aspersions on our platonic life partnership."

"Hey, wait a tick," Leon said as he ignored Merlin and looked at Morgana and Freya instead. "If Merlin and I declare our gay love for each other and, I dunno, snuggle or something, will the two of you make out. Cos I'd be all for that. I'd gay love the hell outta Merlin if that were the case."

Arthur looked up at Gwaine. "I feel as if either one or the both of us ought to be offended in some way."

Gwaine frowned thoughtfully. "Yeah, me too."

"God," Morgana said as she got up from Leon's lap. "I love your commitment to the cause but I'm fucking hungry, let's go. We can watch Leon and Merlin feed each other sausages and other sexually suggestive foods."

"Bananas?" Merlin asked hopefully. "I like bananas."

"Yes, we all know," Freya said as she rolled away from Arthur and off the other side of the bed. "I think we figured it out that time you told us you'd like to make sweet sweet love to your banana pudding and put the video on the internet for all the world to see."

Merlin hopped up from Leon's lap. "And you're my banana in human form," he said as he grabbed a laughing Freya around the waist and started spinning her around the room.

"Fuck me, he has a banana dance now." Gwaine groaned. "Out of my room. Out!"

Merlin waltzed Freya out of the room as he sang about bananas and monkey love or something equally as troubling.

Morgana pulled Leon up out of The Chair. "Get dressed, the both of you, so we can eat."

"But you all deprived me of my morning sex," Arthur complained. "I haven't even worked up an appetite yet."

"Stop talking, Arthur, or I'll help Merlin install the hidden cameras he wants to buy for Gwaine's room. And you know if I do it they'll actually work."

"Bugger off," Arthur waved Morgana and Leon out of the room.

Leon looked back with a sad puppy dog look on his face. "If you two are going to fuck now could you at least not do the whole dying seal thing? My brain will cry real tears if you."

Gwaine pulled up the covers and looked underneath them. "I dunno, Leon, Arthur's thighs are all naked and stuff under here. I sort of feel a bit of biting coming on."

"Don't be a prick just because I sat in The Chair," Leon complained. "That's just petty."

"You shall rue the day you sat your arse in my chair. Rue it!"

Morgana shot Gwaine an evil look as she slammed the door on Leon's frightened face.

Arthur laughed. "You're fucking sick in the head and I fucking love you for it."

"I'm not lying about the chair thing."

"I know. Your craziness is sexy. I'm hard right now just thinking about it."

"You've got a crazy boner? For me?" Gwaine rolled on top of Arthur and fluttered his eyelashes at him.

"Don't be a girl about it, you'll scare the boner away." Arthur frowned up at him.

Gwaine just laughed and leaned in for a kiss. "Your breath is appalling right now," he said as he kept kissing Arthur anyway. Arthur huffed a puff of foul breath into Gwaine's face. Gwaine made a face and slapped his hand over Arthur's mouth as he rolled to his side and pushed Arthur's head down towards his crotch. "Ugh, make that mouth useful somewhere else."

Arthur laughed and pushed Gwaine onto his back as he started kissing and licking his way down Gwaine's stomach. His teeth nipped lightly at the trail of hair leading down to Gwaine's cock. "Mm. I love it when you woo me with your sweet talk."

Gwaine grinned. "Baby. _Darling_. Shut up and put your mouth on my dick."

"See. There you go. That kind of charm makes my knickers melt. Well it would if I were wearing any."

Gwaine stretched an arm up and back to pillow his head as he looked down at Arthur and carded his fingers through his messy hair with his other hand. "I've a mind to buy you a pair of frilly pink knickers just so I can melt them. Or at least suck your cock through them."

"Promises, promises," Arthur mouthed along Gwaine's hipbone.

Gwaine tugged a bit on Arthur's hair and smiled when he all but growled at him in annoyance. Arthur was such a little bitch sometimes. He watched as Arthur used his thigh as a pillow and started to lazily stroke his cock. Arthur's hands were gorgeous and Gwaine wanted to slide his fingers between Arthur's but that would've stopped him from stroking his cock and Gwaine's selfishness won out in the end - like it usually did, funny that - so he just watched Arthur instead. He noticed Arthur was getting a zit on the side of his nose and he wanted to tease him about it, Arthur's vanity made all teasing just that much sweeter because it pissed him off so much, but he also wanted to tell Arthur he loved him too. Because he did, in a sort of terrible way he wasn't entirely prepared for. Seeing Arthur naked and exposed and not even caring that he looked a bit dreadful in the morning made Gwaine want to say stupid shit to him and ask him about what he thought they'd be like years from now. The things Arthur made him feel made him want to kick Arthur in the head. They were stupid and confusing and made his gut hurt sometimes and he wasn't about to say them out loud and let Arthur take a piss at him. He just wasn't.

So instead he leaned forward and poked at Arthur's zit with his finger. "That thing looks like it's gonna be massive. Sucks to be you."

Arthur gave him the evil eye and squeezed his cock just a little too hard. "Takes a brave man to talk shit to me with my hand on his cock and my teeth nearby."

"I'm a brave sort." Gwaine shrugged and gave Arthur a cocky smile. "You wouldn't hurt Junior anyway, you like him too much."

"I'll admit a certain fondness for him, he's awfully pretty," Arthur started slowly stroking Gwaine again. "But I'm sure I could find another one I'm equally fond of."

And that was it, that was the kind of shit that made Gwaine's gut hurt, the kind of shit he hated. It made him jealous and a bit scared that Arthur just might follow through. He frowned and reached down to grab Arthur's wrist. He shook his head. "Don't."

Arthur looked up at him then, like he might know all the things Gwaine meant by that one word. He let go of Gwaine's cock and twisted his wrist until the back of Gwaine's hand was close to his mouth. "You stupid twat," he whispered and placed a surprisingly sweet kiss to the back of Gwaine's hand. Gwaine gave Arthur's nose a gentle punch and he smiled up at him.

Gwaine slipped his leg out from underneath Arthur's head and crawled next to him, pressed himself into Arthur's side as he kissed him. He was half hard from Arthur's hand and he pushed himself into Arthur's hip. Arthur rolled up into him, pushed his fingers into Gwaine's hair.

"If only they knew," Arthur said as he kissed behind Gwaine's ear. "Such an emotional cow, next thing you'll be writing me poetry."

"Nothing rhymes properly with fucker."

Arthur laughed and Gwaine mouthed at his Adam's Apple, felt the vibration of Arthur's laughter against his lips.

Arthur slapped Gwaine's arse. "Up you go."

"Uh-uh," Gwaine moaned as he pressed closer to Arthur. "M'fine right here."

"Let's finish this up in the shower, I'm fucking starving and want to go with the rest of those wankers."

Gwaine dug his fingers into Arthur's side. "Arthur."

"Nope. No arguing. Shove off and get yourself in the shower. I'll go tell Leon he's welcome to come take a piss."

Gwaine laughed as he rolled away from Arthur and onto his back. "You'll make him cry."

Arthur got out of bed and grinned over his shoulder. "I'm looking forward to it."

Gwaine watched him put on a pair of his pyjama bottoms, the ones he'd told Gwaine looked fucking awful on him but that Arthur secretly loved to steal and wear himself. "Swear to fuck, Arthur, you better pound me into the mattress when we get back to make up for the coitus interuptus. Who knew brunch was a fucking cockblocker."

"Ugh. Fine." Arthur huffed. "You're such a whiny little fuck."

Gwaine flipped up two fingers and Arthur laughed. He smiled fondly at Gwaine and walked back over to the bed to grab Gwaine's face in his hands and press a kiss just above his eyebrow. Gwaine rolled his eyes and pushed Arthur away. He watched Arthur shuffle out of the door then got up to make his way into the bathroom with the sounds of Arthur shouting in the hallway.

"Oi. Leon. G and I are taking a shower. Want a piss, mate?"

Gwaine smiled to himself as he heard the girls' and Merlin's laughter and Leon's hollering as Arthur asked, "What? Just checking. Don't act like you don't want it."

Stupid bastard.

 

~end


End file.
